Virtually everyone experiences loneliness from time to time. The feeling can be especially noticeable around the holidays, Valentine’s Day, and times of extreme stress.
The sheer number of adults in the United States who feel lonely is quite large—in a January 2020 survey of 10,000 adults by Cigna, 61% of those surveyed said they felt lonely.1 However, people don’t always talk about feelings of loneliness and don’t always know what to do with these feelings.
Other than being emotionally painful, loneliness can impact people in many ways:
Depression: A 2021 study published in Lancet Psychiatry found associations between loneliness and depressive symptoms in a group of adults 50 years old and older.2 Research also suggests that loneliness and depression may feed off of and perpetuate each other.3
Physical health: Several studies have linked emotional stress with depressed immunity.4 Other research links loneliness and depression with poorer health and well-being.5 Therefore, people who are experiencing loneliness are susceptible to a variety of health issues.
Physical pain: Research shows that the areas of the brain that deal with social exclusion are the same areas that process physical pain, adding a scientific explanation to the oft-romanticized experience of a “broken heart.”6
How to Cope With Loneliness
If you’re experiencing loneliness, there are some things you can do about it. Below are nine strategies for dealing with loneliness.
Join a Class or Club
Whether it’s an art class, exercise class, or book club, joining a class or a club automatically exposes you to a group of people who share at least one of your interests. Check your local library or community college as well as city parks and recreation departments to see what’s available.
Joining a class or club can also provide a sense of belonging that comes with being part of a group. This can stimulate creativity, give you something to look forward to during the day, and help stave off loneliness.
Volunteer
Volunteering for a cause you believe in can provide the same benefits as taking a class or joining a club: meeting others, being part of a group, and creating new experiences. It also brings the benefits of altruism and can help you find more meaning in your life.
In addition to decreasing loneliness, this can bring greater happiness and life satisfaction. Additionally, working with those who have less than you can help you feel a deeper sense of gratitude for what you have in your own life.
Find Support Online
Because loneliness is a somewhat widespread issue, there are many people online who are looking for people to connect with. Find people with similar interests by joining Facebook or Meetup groups focused on your passions. Check to see if any apps you use, like fitness or workout apps, have a social element or discussion board to join.
You do have to be careful of who you meet over the internet (and, obviously, don’t give out any personal information like your bank account number), but you can find real support, connection, and lasting friendships from people you meet online.
A word of caution: Social media can actually increase feelings of loneliness and cause FOMO, or “fear of missing out” so be sure to check in with yourself if you’re starting to feel this way.
Strengthen Existing Relationships
You probably already have people in your life that you could get to know better or connections with family that could be deepened. If so, why not call friends more often, go out with them more, and find other ways to enjoy your existing relationships and strengthen bonds?
If you’re struggling to find the motivation to reach out to your loved ones, it might be helpful to start slowly. Come up with just one supportive friend or family member who you could imagine reaching out to. It’s also reassuring to know that strong social support is beneficial for your mental health.
Adopt a Pet
Pets, especially dogs and cats, offer so many benefits, and preventing loneliness is one of them. Rescuing a pet combines the benefits of altruism and companionship, and fights loneliness in several ways.
It can connect you with other people—walking a dog opens you up to a community of other dog-walkers, and a cute dog on a leash tends to be a people magnet. Additionally, pets provide unconditional love, which can be a great salve for loneliness.
Talk to Strangers
An easy way to find connections in everyday life is by interacting in small ways with acquaintances or strangers you encounter. In fact, research shows that doing so contributes to our social and emotional well-being.7 So next time you grab a cup of coffee or see your neighbor on a walk, strike up a conversation. You might just find you feel happier afterward.
Do you have a smartphone that you frequently check while out and about? Think about putting it away a bit more. Whether you’re looking up directions or checking the news while waiting in line, research suggests that technology can get in the way of social opportunities.8
Practice Self-Care
When you’re feeling lonely, be sure you’re doing what you can to take care of yourself in other ways. Self-care is always a good idea, but especially when you are feeling down. Eating nutritious food, exercising, and getting enough sleep will only make you feel better in the long run. Bonus: Take a workout class or join a running club for exercise and social interaction.
Keep Busy
Distract yourself from those feelings of loneliness and make a date with yourself. Do you have a hobby you’ve always wanted to take up or a home improvement project that’s been lingering on your to-do list? Take some time to invest in yourself and your interests and keep your mind occupied in the process.
Mainstream music as we know it today wouldn’t exist without the blueprint mapped out by Berry Gordy.
When you talk about Motown, there is so much to say on the skillfully stylish beats, catchy hooks and standout vocals that captivated the globe. You can speak on some of America’s most influential artists — like Aretha Franklin, Diana Ross, Marvin Gaye and Michael Jackson — who forged their legacies by developing their everlasting sounds under Motown. You can even mention some of the iconic live performances and music videos that still draw thousands of views on YouTube.
What isn’t said enough is the influence Motown music has had on modern music. Founded by Berry Gordy Jr. in Jan. 1959, the iconic recording label was home to an all-star lineup of legendary Black artists, musicians and songwriters — Smokey Robinson, The Jackson 5 and The Isley Brothers to name a few.
This hall of fame lineup became the heartbeat of American pop culture, producing over 180 No. 1 hits and introduced a new sound that soon became the fabric of music as we know it. For example, you immediately know a Michael Jackson song, not only because of his voice but also by the unique vibe — the soul behind it. That was the case for Motown music. You didn’t have to even know the artist’s name to know that it was Motown music.
Motown’s sweet, smooth and soulful orchestral arrangements gave artists and listeners the grooves to get lost in their lyrics which effectively helped turn their I’s into we’s — building a community during a time of segregation. As a result, some of the most important records ever recorded were eventually sampled into songs decades later.
Take a look at some notable Motown samples throughout the years:
Aside from sampling, Motown’s legacy directly correlates to that of pop music, particularly vocal groups. The record label popularized the concept of pop/R&B boy and girl groups, with iconic acts like The Temptations, Smokey Robinson and The Miracles, The Four Tops, The Supremes, Martha and the Vandellas and The Jackson 5. They gave birth to contemporary groups like Boyz II Men, New Edition, NSYNC, Destiny’s Child, TLC and Fifth Harmony.
Motown music laid the foundation of what the modern music landscape looks like now. For example, Kendrick Lamar’s Pulitzer-Grammy-winning album DAMN has prose and production that hit the zeitgeist of Motown’s mission: the acknowledgment of Black excellence and creativity.
The biggest influence that Motown has played on modern music is the simplest part of Motown’s transcendence. The label was great because of the emotional connection that its music established with the audience. Every song had a ‘why’, and the artist poured that ‘why’ into their lyrics and delivery. Listeners felt that why in a way that moved them.
For Marvin Gaye in “What’s Going On,” he cautioned Americans during a time of racial tension and a mystifying war. For Martha and the Vandellas on “Dancing in the Street,” it was a tribute to the street-dance parties of the time. For Stevie Wonder on “Village Ghetto Land,” it was pain and the heartbreaking reality of growing poverty and homelessness.
As for today’s artists, that “why’” still exists. In the months of racial tension set off by police brutality, H.E.R. powerfully told the tale of the victims of police brutality and systemic racism in “I Can’t Breathe.” For Mary J. Blige’s 1994 album ”My Life,” her “why” was exhaling emotional pain. Sam Smith’s album “The Thrill of It All” is his journey out of a place he never wants to go back to.
The “why” behind Motown’s extraordinary catalog is what helped define, expand and influence generations after. More than tossing out hits like dollar bills, Motown installed a stylistic identity that saw the golden voices behind its music become music’s most admired musicians.
Motown redefined pop culture in America, creating a space for Black creators to be excellent on the mainstream. The legacy of Motown lives on through the dominance of contemporary genres influenced by the existence of assembly lines put together by Berry Gordy. In other words: modern music is Black music, and it would have to experience a radical shift to divorce itself from the house Motown built.
This quick weeknight dinner is a complete meal in one skillet—chicken, spinach, mushrooms, and the creamiest, tastiest sauce.
Chicken Florentine is a dish that feels restaurant-quality but is surprisingly simple to make at home and ready in 30 minutes flat. With tender chicken cutlets nestled into a creamy spinach sauce, this recipe uses just one pan and is practically a complete meal all on its own. Serve with hot pasta, rice, or crusty bread for soaking up the sauce.
Chicken breast cutlets are dredged in flour to give the meat a slight crust and add some body to the sauce. Sautéed mushrooms, garlic, Parmesan, and wilted spinach flavor the cream sauce that pairs wonderfully with the chicken. It’s satisfying but not too rich, reminiscent of creamed spinach but with the addition of hearty chicken and mushrooms.
Simply Recipes / Sally Vargas
How to Cut Chicken Cutlets
Chances are you’ll find chicken cutlets at your local grocery, often in packs of four. If you don’t see any in the meat aisle, buy boneless skinless chicken breasts. You can cut them into cutlets.
To portion a whole chicken breast into cutlets: Lay a chicken breast on a cutting board and flatten it down with one hand. Use a sharp chef’s knife or serrated knife to slice the breast horizontally into 2 cutlets. Each chicken breast will yield 2 cutlets. For this recipe, you’ll need 4 cutlets or 2 chicken breasts.
Cooking With Wine
This recipe calls for a small amount of white wine for a couple of reasons. The wine helps to deglaze the skillet—it picks up flavorful oils and browned bits from the chicken that get stuck to the bottom and sides of the skillet. It also adds a little acidity, brightening up the sauce.
The wine is simmered until the alcohol cooks off and only the flavor of the wine remains. A dry white wine is best, such as a Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon Blanc, or a dry Riesling. As a rule of thumb, if you would enjoy the wine with the dish then it’ll taste good in the dish.
If you’re out of white wine, dry vermouth makes an excellent substitution. You can also make it without alcohol. Use chicken broth instead and add a big squeeze of fresh lemon juice for some brightness.
Simply Recipes / Sally Vargas
Swaps for Heavy Cream
While this dish has a creamy, rich sauce, it only calls for 1/2 cup of heavy cream. Heavy or light cream is the best option since it thickens the sauce, avoiding a watery mixture. If you’d like to lighten it up a bit, use half-and-half. The sauce won’t be quite as luxurious, but it will still have a lovely flavor.
Most unsweetened, non-dairy liquid creamers like almond milk creamer will also work. If you’re dairy-free, leave out the Parmesan or use vegan Parm instead.
Recipes are for Playing
This recipe is flexible, allowing you to swap the protein, use frozen spinach instead of fresh, or adapt to varying tastes or dietary restrictions:
Veal Florentine: Veal cutlets are also delicious in this recipe. Keep a close eye on them while they cook since they are thin and will cook very quickly. Depending on their size, you may want 2 veal cutlets per person.
Frozen spinach: Replace the fresh spinach with a 10- or 12-ounce bag of thawed frozen spinach. Give the soggy leaves a quick squeeze to remove some liquid—they don’t need to be completely rung dry—and add the spinach to the simmering sauce.
No mushrooms: If you don’t care for mushrooms, leave them out and add about 1 1/2 ounces more spinach.
Gluten-free: To make this recipe gluten-free, don’t dredge the chicken with flour. The sauce will be slightly thinner but still delish.
What to Serve With Chicken Florentine
If you’re eating low carb, serve this recipe with a salad and call it a day. Otherwise, a grain or bread is nice for soaking up the sauce. Here is some inspiration:
Can’t find chicken cutlets at your local grocery store? Buy 2 boneless skinless chicken breasts (about 1 1/2 pounds total). Lay the chicken breast flat on your cutting board and use a sharp chef’s knife to cut it in half horizontally. Each chicken breast will give you 2 cutlets.
Dry white wines I recommend for this recipe: Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon Blanc, or a dry Riesling.
Ingredients
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, divided, plus more to taste
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper, divided, plus more to taste
4 chicken cutlets (1 to 1 1/2 pounds total)
3 tablespoons olive oil, divided
2 medium shallots, chopped
8 ounces cremini mushrooms, trimmed and sliced (about 3 cups)
Dredge the chicken:In a shallow bowl, add the flour, 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/8 teaspoon black pepper. Mix well with a fork or a spoon.Lay a chicken cutlet on top of the flour. Sprinkle some of the flour mixture on top and press with your hands to coat. Flip the chicken to evenly coat both sides, sprinkling flour over any bare spots and shaking off the excess. Transfer it onto a large plate and repeat with the remaining cutlets. Discard any leftover flour.
Cook the chicken:Place a large skillet over medium-high heat and add 2 tablespoons olive oil. Tilt the skillet to evenly coat it with oil. The oil should shimmer, but not smoke. Add the dredged chicken cutlets in a single layer. Let them cook, without moving, until the bottoms are golden brown, 3 to 5 minutes.Use tongs to flip the cutlets and cook the other side is lightly browned and the chicken is cooked through, 2 to 4 minutes. If your skillet isn’t big enough, you can cook the chicken in 2 batches.Transfer the chicken onto a clean plate and tent it with foil. Set it aside while you make the sauce, which will be made in the same skillet.
Cook the vegetables:Turn the heat down to medium and add the remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil. Add the shallots and sauté until they begin to turn translucent, about 1 minute.Add the mushrooms and garlic, and season with the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/8 teaspoon black pepper. Sauté until tender, 2 to 3 minutes.
Make the sauce:Add the white wine and scrape the bottom of the skillet with a wooden spoon, loosening any browned bits. Bring the wine to a simmer and cook until the alcohol smell dissipates, about 1 minute.Stir in the heavy cream. Bring it to a gentle simmer. Add the spinach in 2 or 3 batches, stirring after each addition until all the leaves are wilted and incorporated into the sauce.Stir in the Parmesan until it is completely melted.
Assemble the dish:Nestle the chicken cutlets in the sauce and let it simmer for 2 to 3 minutes to reheat. Taste the sauce and adjust the seasoning with more salt and black pepper, if needed. Serve!Leftovers keeps well since it has a moist sauce. Refrigerate it in an airtight container for up to 3 days and reheat it on the stovetop or in the microwave. Add a splash of heavy cream if it feels dry. I don’t recommend freezing this dish since the texture of the sauce gets wonky. Cream sauces have a tendency to split when frozen, thawed, and reheated.Did you love the recipe? Leave us a review in the comments!
Nutrition information is calculated using an ingredient database and should be considered an estimate. In cases where multiple ingredient alternatives are given, the first listed is calculated for nutrition. Garnishes and optional ingredients are not included.
Starting Monday I will be posting twice every other week. I want to make sure I give my readers more of a variety of things to read on this website. I know its a small thing but sometimes small adjustments make a big impact on whatever your goal is. This will happen until October as a trial run. If everyone seems to like it I will try to continue that format. So until then please enjoy this small change to this site.
Living through a pandemic, natural disasters, racial discrimination, and the sporadic adversities that accompany everyday life, it can often feel as if you are losing your faith. You might not only lose faith in the higher power you worship, but you might also feel a loss of faith in humanity, loved ones, or in yourself.
Many people experience feelings like this, especially when it feels like you have no control over what is going on in your life and the world around you. It is when we are consumed by all the uncertainties of life that faith is needed most but also when it’s the most difficult to grasp. It’s definitely easier to have faith when everything is going well but it’s a lot more challenging when they are not.
That is why it is important for us to recognize when we start having these feelings and work towards reestablishing or holding on to our faith, especially during troubling times.
This article offers insight regarding the practice of faith and what to do when you feel as if faith is being lost.
What Is Faith?
First, let’s get into what faith is exactly. The term “faith” is defined as “a strong belief in something or someone” or a “belief in the existence of God; strong religious beliefs or feelings.”1
According to the Journal of the Society of Christian Philosophers, faith is having belief in something without an apparent reason.2
The Christian Bible describes faith as “the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen.” (Hebrew 11:1 KJV).
Most people correlate faith with trust in God, the Universe, or a Higher Power. Faith means believing in the existence and presence of our higher powers in our lives, even though we cannot physically see them. Since a higher power is not something you see in the physical sense (as with other sources we put our trust in at times), if you no longer feel the impact of these things in your life, you may begin to lose faith in them.
Many religious texts associate faith with belief and trust in God and seeking God during times of hardship. The Christian Holy Bible’s book of Psalms as well as The Jewish sacred text, The Tanakh, book of Misheli says “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” (Psalms 56:3, Misheli 56:3)
There may be times when you don’t feel the presence of God or loved ones. It is actually when feeling a disconnect from these things that you can lean into your faith the most.
Most people express that they possess faith, but it is when faith is tested that one must put mere words into fruition. It is often when an individual has no reason to have faith in something, that they can actually practice the virtue of faith.
The Islamic Holy Quran states “But as for those who believe, and do good works — their Lord will guide them because of their faith.” (Quran, 10:10)
Believing that God will work a miracle during an insurmountable situation, having confidence that the impossible is possible, or trusting that what is happening is part of a greater plan—these are examples of faith.
Reasons You May Feel A Loss of Faith
There are various reasons why one may begin to feel a loss of faith, some examples are:
What to Do When You Feel You Are Losing Your Faith
Faith is very important in spirituality, which is beneficial to both mental and physical well-being. A research study determined participation in spiritual activities to be beneficial for those who felt depression was caused by losing faith.3 Many often equate depressive feelings with loss of faith.
If ever you feel that you are losing your faith, you may want to consider the following suggestions.
Acknowledge and Accept What You Feel
In these moments it is important to first not judge yourself for these feelings. They are justifiable and you shouldn’t feel guilt or shame. Accept that these are your feelings and show yourself compassion.
It’s best to acknowledge what you are feeling, accept them for what they are, and then address them by exploring what could be causing them. Then, you can seek help from others like a loved one or counselor if necessary.
Try Meditation or Prayer
Take some time for yourself to meditate and pray. This can help you become more in tune with your spirituality and may be really impactful when feeling as if you are losing faith.
Meditation and prayer are excellent practices to connect with a higher power and your beliefs because they can deepen presence, acceptance, and peace.
Count Your Blessings
Gratitude goes a long way! Whenever you feel a bit lost or unfulfilled, try to think about the people and things in your life that you are grateful for.
There is always something in life to appreciate, sometimes it requires taking a step back to acknowledge what is right in front of us.
Gratitude is an amazing trait to have and offers great benefits to well-being.4 So, try writing in a gratitude journal to list out everything you feel grateful for.
Talk It Out
Think about reaching out to someone you trust for advice. If you are feeling confused or overwhelmed, sometimes it really helps to talk these things out and seek opinions from reliable sources.
There are times in everyone’s lives that they can use a listening ear and open arms from the people they care for. Sometimes people put up a tough exterior and don’t reach out to people who genuinely do care because they don’t want to burden them or show vulnerability.
It may be time to let down walls and open up about your feelings, you never know, that person might need this talk just as much as you do.
Spend Time With Loved Ones
At times when an individual isn’t feeling their best, they shouldn’t rule out the option of simply getting together with people that it just feels good to be around.
Social support is often an impactful aspect of a person’s spiritual being that offers great benefits to quality of life (QoL).5 A community of people who are there for one another, who show up when it matters, and put in the effort to positively influence each other’s lives is what social support is all about.
It is during difficult times that support systems live up to the role they possess in an individual’s life. A little social interaction with those that you enjoy spending time with just may help in feeling more connected to spirituality and faith.
Consider Counseling
A faith-based therapist or a spiritual counselor can help you discover why you might be feeling that you are losing your faith. In your sessions, you will be able to safely sort out your emotions and feel them without judgment.
Engaging in counseling or therapy may support you in deepening your understanding of your relationship with your faith. If your faith has been shaken or broken, it may take some time to heal and recover your faith, and you are encouraged in being patient with yourself and the process.
Engage in Acts of Kindness
Sometimes all of the troubling circumstances that are going on around someone begin to get to them more than they realize. When the world begins to look hopeless it may be beneficial for a person to feel as if they have some control of the good being contributed to the world.
Engaging in genuine acts of kindness, like volunteer work or donations, may help put a little faith back into humanity. Acts of kindness are associated with life satisfaction.6 With acts of kindness, people are able to get out of their own heads and be reminded that they are a part of a bigger picture.
Attend a Place of Worship
Religious institutions—such as a church, temple, mosque, synagogue, or other place of worship—represent a community of people with a shared belief that can commune together in worship and the enrichment of faith.
Gathering with those who have similar beliefs as yourself can help when you feel you are losing your faith.
Research shows that, when people attend church, they often feel a sense of encouragement, strength, belongingness. Moreover, faith in their higher power might even be restored.3
Take a Break
Sometimes people need a reset button to remember who they are and what they believe in. It is easy to become so wrapped up in everyday life that a person begins to lose touch with themselves and their faith.
This is why it’s important to take a break from daily routine and take a breather. Consider spending some time in nature, which is a great way of connecting with your spirituality. Doing so may offer a sense of serenity.
You may even want to consider a nature retreat or small getaway to reconnect with yourself and what matters most to you.
Take The Time to Reflect
Take the time to consider what in particular could be the source of you feeling the way you do. It is possible that it is a variety of things in your life that are causing you to feel a loss of faith. Whether it is stress, trauma, grief, or just feeling a disconnect from God and the world around you, it is important to assess these emotions. Speaking with a therapist or loved one can also help in determining what is making you feel this way and gain more of an understanding as to why.
It may be beneficial to reflect on your relationship with God and your belief systems. It is possible that others have had a greater influence on your faith than you realize or are comfortable with. It is common to have religious beliefs that were taught during childhood and throughout your life that may be conflicting to you or no longer resonant during this time.
Remember that your beliefs and faith can develop or change as you grow, so try not to be judgmental to yourself if they evolve. Take time to reflect on what you believe, what is working, what is no longer working, and what you feel may be the best way to proceed.
A Word From Verywell
Feeling lost, uneasy, and withdrawn happens to the best of us, sometimes at the most unexpected times. Although one does not always have control over what is going on in the world around them or even situations happening in their own lives, they do have authority over how they perceive and react to these experiences.
One should not judge or dismiss their feelings, but it is, however, important that they don’t dwell on thoughts that result in amplifying negative emotions too long, because it is easy to become overwhelmed by them.
When challenging moments do appear, consider engaging in activities that help you reconnect with yourself, those you care about, and your relationship with your ever-evolving spirituality and faith.
Stress is a normal reaction the body has when changes occur, resulting in physical, emotional and intellectual responses. Stress management training can help you deal with changes in a healthier way.
Stress is a normal human reaction that happens to everyone. In fact, the human body is designed to experience stress and react to it. When you experience changes or challenges (stressors), your body produces physical and mental responses. That’s stress.
Stress responses help your body adjust to new situations. Stress can be positive, keeping us alert, motivated and ready to avoid danger. For example, if you have an important test coming up, a stress response might help your body work harder and stay awake longer. But stress becomes a problem when stressors continue without relief or periods of relaxation.
What happens to the body during stress?
The body’s autonomic nervous system controls your heart rate, breathing, vision changes and more. Its built-in stress response, the “fight-or-flight response,” helps the body face stressful situations.
When a person has long-term (chronic) stress, continued activation of the stress response causes wear and tear on the body. Physical, emotional and behavioral symptoms develop.
Physical symptoms of stress include:
Aches and pains.
Chest pain or a feeling like your heart is racing.
Often, people with chronic stress try to manage it with unhealthy behaviors, including:
Drinking alcohol too much or too often.
Gambling.
Overeating or developing an eating disorder.
Participating compulsively in sex, shopping or internet browsing.
Smoking.
Using drugs.
How is stress diagnosed?
Stress is subjective — not measurable with tests. Only the person experiencing it can determine whether it’s present and how severe it feels. A healthcare provider may use questionnaires to understand your stress and how it affects your life.
If you have chronic stress, your healthcare provider can evaluate symptoms that result from stress. For example, high blood pressure can be diagnosed and treated.
What are some strategies for stress relief?
You can’t avoid stress, but you can stop it from becoming overwhelming by practicing some daily strategies:
Exercise when you feel symptoms of stress coming on. Even a short walk can boost your mood.
At the end of each day, take a moment to think about what you’ve accomplished — not what you didn’t get done.
Set goals for your day, week and month. Narrowing your view will help you feel more in control of the moment and long-term tasks.
Consider talking to a therapist or your healthcare provider about your worries.
What are some ways to prevent stress?
Many daily strategies can help you keep stress at bay:
Try relaxation activities, such as meditation, yoga, tai chi, breathing exercises and muscle relaxation. Programs are available online, in smartphone apps, and at many gyms and community centers.
Take good care of your body each day. Eating right, exercising and getting enough sleep help your body handle stress much better.
Stay positive and practice gratitude, acknowledging the good parts of your day or life.
Accept that you can’t control everything. Find ways to let go of worry about situations you cannot change.
Learn to say “no” to additional responsibilities when you are too busy or stressed.
Stay connected with people who keep you calm, make you happy, provide emotional support and help you with practical things. A friend, family member or neighbor can become a good listener or share responsibilities so that stress doesn’t become overwhelming.
How long does stress last?
Stress can be a short-term issue or a long-term problem, depending on what changes in your life. Regularly using stress management techniques can help you avoid most physical, emotional and behavioral symptoms of stress.
When should I talk to a doctor about stress?
You should seek medical attention if you feel overwhelmed, if you are using drugs or alcohol to cope, or if you have thoughts about hurting yourself. Your primary care provider can help by offering advice, prescribing medicine or referring you to a therapist.
A note from Cleveland Clinic.org
It’s natural and normal to be stressed sometimes. But long-term stress can cause physical symptoms, emotional symptoms and unhealthy behaviors. Try relieving and managing stress using a few simple strategies. But if you feel overwhelmed, talk to your doctor.
When you think of intimacy with your partner, there are probably two types that come to mind: sexual and emotional. While both are important, there are actually 10 more types to experience! The 12 types of intimacy include sexual, emotional, intellectual, aesthetic, creative, recreational, work, crisis, commitment, conflict, communication, and spiritual.
Experiencing many of the 12 types of intimacy helps strengthen the bond with your partner and creates the ultimate feeling of connectedness. Let’s take a closer look at each of the 12 types of intimacy and how you can enjoy them with your partner:
1. Sexual
As the most recognizable, this type of intimacy is mostly self-explanatory. That said, it’s more than just having sex! Sexual intimacy is also about sharing fantasies, desires, and needs. Ultimately, it creates a safe space to open up to each other about what you like and don’t like without fear of being judged or shut out.
Once you’re able to comfortably communicate your sexual needs with each other, you’ve reached the highest level of sexual intimacy. This includes creating and respecting healthy boundaries. Not only does this improve physical intimacy, but improves trust and communication as well.
2. Emotional
Emotional intimacy is one of the most important types to share with your partner. It means you’re able to express your feelings and emotional needs in the relationship, which requires some vulnerability.
Being able to share different emotions with your partner is what helps create trust, which builds a strong foundation for a healthy relationship. You can talk to each other about anything, no matter how difficult the conversation might be.
To back the importance of emotional intimacy, we can look at Dr. John Gottman’s Sound House Theory. It identifies the essential parts of any successful, fulfilling relationship. The Sound House Theory holds that the foundation of all romantic relationships is understanding each other’s psychological worlds, including history, hopes, worries, and joy.
By truly trying to understand each other’s worlds, you need to embrace honesty and vulnerability, which leads to emotional closeness. From there, you learn to lean on one another, embrace positive perspectives, manage conflict, achieve your dreams and create shared meaning.
The overall benefit of intellectual intimacy is being able to share thoughts and opinions that are respected by your partner. It can be as simple as discussing a book or having more controversial conversations about politics or religion. No matter the discussion, you remain open-minded when you have different views or opinions.
Much like emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy requires vulnerability. It allows for a safe space to talk about tough topics without being put down or ridiculed.
4. Aesthetic
Simply put, aesthetic intimacy means being able to share an experience of beauty together. The experience depends on your interests as a couple. Maybe you both appreciate the beauty of a sunset or would rather go see a play from your local theater group.
One of the most important parts of aesthetic intimacy is learning to appreciate each other’s interests. If you are into different things, take turns experiencing each of them together. It can significantly strengthen your bond and help you appreciate and celebrate your differences!
5. Creative
Creative intimacy involves planning and creating things together. While taking an art class together might pop in your mind, it involves so much more!
Fostering creative intimacy can also include designing your future together. You also want to create the best versions of yourselves, so think of ways to help each other grow. Make future plans, create a bucket list, or set goals that you can reach together.
6. Recreational
Yep, you guessed it — recreational intimacy means finding hobbies and interests you can experience together! Common interests keep you feeling connected, especially when the monotony of everyday life kicks in.
The goal of recreational intimacy is to keep the spark alive in your relationship. Have fun together! While it’s still important to have separate interests as well, you should still be making an effort to do things together to help keep you feeling connected.
7. Work
Work intimacy isn’t about your careers — it’s about each of you putting in the work needed to keep your relationship flowing smoothly. Examples include chores around the house, taking care of the kids, making plans, or any other responsibilities that contribute to your life together.
When one of you feels like you’re doing more than the other, it can cause other areas of intimacy to suffer, especially sexual intimacy. You should both be equally contributing to your life as a couple to ensure each of you feels respected and appreciated.
8. Crisis
When you go through a crisis together (whether big or small), it should leave you feeling closer as a couple. Crisis intimacy means you empathize and support each other during tough times. Most importantly, you want to be there for your partner.
If you share a high level of crisis intimacy, you’re likely to feel more connected and in love after experiencing a difficult situation together. You’re also willing to be patient and supportive during the healing process that follows.
9. Commitment
Commitment intimacy is not just about committing to your relationship, but also devoting yourself to working toward a shared goal. Whether it’s starting a family, buying a new home, or starting your own business, you both are ready and willing to put in the effort it takes to achieve it.
10. Conflict
Every couple argues — even the happiest ones! Since conflict is inevitable, it’s critical to be able to work through and learn from them. Conflict intimacy refers to your ability to effectively handle arguments and allow them to make you stronger as a couple.
Conflict management is one of the key factors in a successful, long-term relationship. If you’re constantly arguing without being able to reach a resolution, your relationship starts to crumble. Conflict intimacy allows you to make mistakes but remain committed as a couple. Each of you works to improve your individual behavior in ways that positively impact your relationship and how you handle conflict.
As you may have noticed with the other types of intimacy, good communication plays a huge role. Communication intimacy means you’re able to talk openly and honestly about your needs in the relationship without your partner feeling threatened or criticized.
This type of intimacy allows for healthy dialogue about your expectations, followed by loving, open-minded feedback from your partner. You need to be able to tell each other what you need most! If your partner seems to have trouble opening up, start by opening up more yourself. As you communicate more frequently, you’ll build more trust and connection, which can help your partner do the same.
Most importantly, harnessing active listening skills can significantly improve communication. The best way to do it? Put the phone down! A Pew Research Center survey found that around 51 percent of people in committed relationships say their partner is often or sometimes distracted by their cell phone while they are trying to have a conversation with them. Additionally, 4 in 10 people said they are sometimes bothered by the amount of time their partner spends on their mobile device.
Phubbing (phone + snubbing your partner) is a total communication killer, so the next time you and your partner have a discussion (no matter how small), try to focus on their words instead of a digital screen.
Learn how to communicate more effectively with Relish! Our relationship coaching app, along with real expert advice, can help improve many aspects of your relationship, from communication to conflict management. Start your 7-day free trial!
12. Spiritual
Spiritual intimacy does not necessarily have to center around religion. Simply put, it means being able to discuss the deeper meaning of life. It can certainly involve religion, but above all else, you’re able to talk about your spiritual beliefs without being judged. Spiritual intimacy does not mean your opinions and beliefs have to match — it means you’re willing to respect and appreciate them no matter what.
While you don’t necessarily have to experience all 12 types of intimacy, it’s important to understand that they’re all intertwined to create a strong, healthy relationship. For example, it’s hard to have sexual intimacy without feeling connected on other, non-sexual levels.
The 12 types of intimacy can act as a roadmap to finding overall happiness, satisfaction, and connectedness in your relationship. If you’ve found “your person,” you’ll want to explore each type. Your bond is a culmination of many different types of intimacy, not just sexual and emotional.
Expanding your intimacy allows you to wholeheartedly give yourself to another person and facilitates mutual respect, love, and understanding. If your relationship is in it for the long run, making an effort to connect on these 12 different levels will ensure it’s long-lasting and full of love.
By Caitlin Killoren on Nov 15, 2021
With a degree in Psychology and over a decade of experience, Caitlin has made improving people’s relationships both her career and her passion. Her work has been featured in publications like Bustle, Well + Good, and Goalcast, and she currently resides in Austin, Texas with her husband and giant fluffy dog, Remy.
Heartbreak is a universal experience that comes with intense emotional anguish and distress.
While many people associate a broken heart with the end of a romantic relationship, therapist Jenna Palumbo, LCPC, emphasizes that “grief is complicated.” The death of a loved one, job loss, changing careers, losing a close friend — all of these can leave you brokenhearted and feeling like your world will never be the same.
There’s no way around it: healing a broken heart takes time. But there are things you can do to support yourself through the healing process and protect your emotional wellbeing.
It’s essential to look after your own needs after heartbreak, even if you don’t always feel like it.
Give yourself permission to grieve
Grief is not the same for everyone, says Palumbo, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to feel all of your sadness, anger, loneliness, or guilt.
“Sometimes by doing that, you unconsciously give those around you permission to feel their own grief, too, and you won’t feel like you’re alone in it anymore.” You just might find that a friend’s gone through similar pain and has some pointers for you.
Take care of yourself
When you’re in the midst of heartbreak, it’s easy to forget to take care of your personal needs. But grieving isn’t just an emotional experience, it also depletes you physically. Indeed, research has shown that physical and emotional pain travel along the same pathways in the brain.
Deep breathing, meditation, and exercise can be great ways to preserve your energy. But don’t beat yourself up over it, either. Simply making an effort to eat and stay hydrated can go a long way. Take it slow, one day at a time.
Lead the way in letting people know what you need
Everyone copes with loss in their own way, says Kristen Carpenter, PhD, a psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center.
She advises being clear about whether you prefer to grieve privately, with the support of close friends or with a wide circle of people accessible through social networks.
Getting your needs out there will save you from trying to think of something in the moment, says Carpenter, and will allow someone who wants to be supportive to help you and make your life easier by checking something off your list.
Write down what you need (aka the ‘notecard method’)
How it works:
Sit down and make a list of what you need, including needs for tangible and emotional support. This could involve mowing the grass, grocery shopping, or simply talking on the phone.
Get a stack of notecards and write down one item on each card.
When people ask how they can help, hand them a note card or have them choose something they feel they can do. This relieves the pressure to articulate your needs on the spot when someone asks.
Go outdoors
Research has found that spending just 2 hours a week outdoors can improve your mental and physical health. If you can get out to some beautiful scenery, great. But even regular walks around the neighborhood can help.
Read self-help books and listen to podcasts
Knowing that others have gone through similar experiences and come out on the other side can may help you feel less alone.
Reading a book (we’ve got some recommendations later in this article) or listening to a podcast about your particular loss can also provide you with validation and be a supportive way for you to process your emotions.
Try a feel-good activity
Set aside time every day for doing something that feels positive, whether that’s journaling, meeting up with a close friend, or watching a show that makes you laugh.
Scheduling in moments that bring you joy is vital for healing a broken heart.
Seek professional help
It’s important to talk about your feelings with others and not numb yourself out. This is easier said than done, and it’s totally normal to need some extra help.
If you find that your grief is too much to bear on your own, a mental health professional can help you work through painful emotions. Even just two or three sessions can help you develop some new coping tools.
After giving yourself some space to grieve and tending to your needs, start looking toward creating new routines and habits that can help you continue to process your loss.
Don’t try to suppress the pain
“Don’t waste energy on feeling ashamed or guilty about your feelings,” says Carpenter. Instead, “invest that energy in making concrete efforts to feel better and to heal.”
Consider giving yourself 10 to 15 minutes each day to acknowledge and feel your sadness. By giving it some dedicated attention, you may find it popping up less and less throughout your day.
Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with love and respect while not judging yourself.
Think of how you would treat a close friend or family member going through a hard time. What would you say to them? What would you offer them? How would you show them you care? Take your answers and apply them to yourself.
Create space in your schedule
When you are going through a difficult time, it can be easy to distract yourself with activities. While this can be helpful, make sure you’re still leaving yourself some space to process your feelings and have some down time.
Foster new traditions
If you’ve ended a relationship or lost a loved one, you may feel like you’ve lost a lifetime of traditions and rituals. Holidays can be particularly hard.
Allow friends and family to help you create new traditions and memories. Don’t hesitate to reach out for some extra support during major holidays.
Write it down
Once you’ve had some time to sit with your feelings, journaling can help you better organize them and give you a chance to unload any emotions that might be hard to share with others.
Regularly attending or engaging in in-person or online support groups can provide a safe environment to help you cope. It’s also healing to share your feelings and challenges with those in similar situations.
Connect with yourself
Going through a big loss or change can leave you feeling a little unsure of yourself and who you are. You can do this by connecting to your body through exercise, spending time in nature, or connecting with your spiritual and philosophical beliefs.
As you navigate the process of healing a broken heart, it’s helpful to have realistic expectations about the process. From pop songs to rom-coms, society can give a warped view of what heartbreak actually entails.
Here are a few things to keep in the back of your mind.
Your experience is valid
The death of a loved one is the more overt form of grief, Palumbo explains, but covert grief can look like the loss of a friendship or relationship. Or maybe you’re starting a new phase of your life by changing careers or becoming an empty nester.
Whatever it is, it’s important to validate your grief. This simply means recognizing the impact it’s had on your life.
It’s not a competition
It’s natural to compare your situation to that of others, but heartbreak and grieving aren’t a competition.
Just because it’s the loss of a friendship and not the death of a friend doesn’t mean the process isn’t the same, says Palumbo. “You’re relearning how to live in a world without an important relationship you once had.”
There’s no expiration date
Grief is not the same for everyone and it has no timetable. Avoid statements like “I should be moving on by now,” and give yourself all of the time you need to heal.
You can’t avoid it
As hard as it might feel, you have to move through it. The more you put off dealing with painful emotions, the longer it will take for you to start feeling better.
Expect the unexpected
As your grief evolves, so will the intensity and frequency of heartbreak. At times it will feel like soft waves that come and go. But some days, it might feel like an uncontrollable jolt of emotion. Try not to judge how your emotions manifest.
You’ll have periods of happiness
Remember that it’s okay to fully experience moments of joy as you grieve. Spend part of each day focusing on the present moment, and allow yourself to embrace the good things in life.
If you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one, this might bring up some feelings of guilt. But experiencing joy and happiness is crucial to moving forward. And forcing yourself to stay in a negative state of mind won’t change the situation.
It’s okay to not be okay
A profound loss, like the death of a loved one, is going to look vastly different from a job rejection, notes therapist Victoria Fisher, LMSW. “In both cases, it’s imperative to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling and remember that it’s okay not to be okay.”
Even if you’re doing everything you can to work through your heartbreak, you’ll probably still have off days. Take them as they come and try again tomorrow.
Seek self-acceptance
Don’t expect your suffering to go away sooner than when it’s ready. Try to accept your new reality and understand that your grief will take some time to heal.
When you’re dealing with heartbreak, books can be both a distraction and a healing tool. They don’t have to be big self-help books, either. Personal accounts of how others have lived through grief can be just as powerful.
Here are some titles to get you started.
Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar
Cheryl Strayed, author of the bestselling book “Wild,” compiled questions and answers from her formerly anonymous advice column. Each in-depth response offers insightful and compassionate advice for anyone who’s experienced a wide range of losses including infidelity, a loveless marriage, or death in the family.
Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace
Acclaimed author Anne Lamott delivers profound, honest, and unexpected stories that teach us how to turn toward love even in the most hopeless situations. Just be aware that there are some religious undertones in her work.
Love You Like the Sky: Surviving the Suicide of a Beloved
Psychologist and survivor of suicide Dr. Sarah Neustadter provides a roadmap navigating the complicated emotions of grief and turning despair into beauty.
The Wisdom of a Broken Heart: How to Turn the Pain of a Breakup Into Healing, Insight, and New Love
Through her gentle, encouraging wisdom, Susan Piver offers recommendations for recovering from the trauma of a broken heart. Think of it as a prescription for dealing with the anguish and disappointment of a breakup.
On Being Human: A Memoir of Waking Up, Living Real, and Listening Hard
Despite being nearly deaf and experiencing the debilitating loss of her father as a child, author Jennifer Pastiloff learned how to rebuild her life by listening fiercely and caring for others.
For anyone who’s experienced the sudden death of a spouse, Joan Didion offers a raw and honest portrayal of a marriage and life that explores illness, trauma, and death.
How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days: A Day-by-Day Guide to Saying Good-bye and Getting On With Your Life
Howard Bronson and Mike Riley lead you through recovering from the end of a romantic relationship with insights and exercises meant to help you heal and build resilience.
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Through her heartfelt, honest storytelling, Brené Brown, PhD, explores how we can strengthen our connection to the world and cultivate feelings of self-acceptance and love.
The hard truth of going through loss is that it can change your life forever. There will be moments when you feel overcome with heartache. But there will be others when you see a glimmer of light.
For some grief, as Fisher notes, “it’s a matter of surviving for a while until you gradually build a new, different life with an open space for the grief when it arises.”
Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. She’s written for The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, and many more. Find her at cindylamothe.com.
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