It’s a new year and that usually mean time for change. And that usually means physical changes and organizing your spaces but I want to talk a little bit about the mental changes for yourself. In this piece I want to talk about mental growth and processing learning how to accept negative outcomes in your life. Sounds like a lot and it is but the process isn’t as hard as the fear of dealing with the subject that you may be dealing with. This was going to be 2 separate articles but the writer of the second piece thought it would be good to combine and I have to agree because they go hand in hand with each other. So We would love your feedback and your thoughts to being grateful and how do you personally move pass learning how to mentally grow from a negative outcome.
Enjoy!!!
Learning to accept the negative By: Deidre Gibbs
Negative outcomes I think you start to deal with as a child and you grow up dealing with them but exactly how you are taught to handle them is up for questioning. Not saying there’s only one way to learn because there isn’t. I think life teaches you even when your not ready to learn. I’ve seen over the years of my life people struggling to accept the growth of others and not understanding their own, so they look at their growth as a negative aspect when its far from it. I’m going to give 2 personal situations to try to help bridge this gap of understanding that personal growth is in away a positive outcome of a situation.
Situation #1
Family is very important to me yet for me it’s my biggest challenge I deal with in my life and that says a lot with everything that I’ve dealt with in my life so far. Growing up being the youngest of 7 kids, it was always a fight to not just be heard but to be taken seriously with anything. Add in huge age gaps between siblings there was a lot of trying to figure out different personalities between all of us. People are living their lives but the interaction sometimes felt like a meet and greet because you don’t know each other.
And I personally put myself out there because I was craving a connection with my family because even though I was the 7th child I felt like an only child most of my childhood. My situation was I was taking care of an elderly parent so I was like the chosen one because I was our parents security blanket and I felt like because since I was still living at home it was a easy decision for everyone.
My siblings would help take care of things like dealing with money and everything they could while I was the hands on with her care. I like to say I’m close to my family now but back then I can’t say that because I felt left behind. Because I felt that the age gaps between us was a big part of it, it felt like as the rest of my family grew up and I was excluded in that process because I was taking care of our parent and when I was included it felt like I like was that something they had to do instead of wanting to do if that makes sense. I also kept in mind that we all grew up differently. So one sibling would gravitate to another because they were what I felt like grew up together more than with other siblings.
There were 2 sisters that I grew up with that I thought we were really close but as life does what it does best it showed me that wasn’t really the case. As I grew up I started to realize that one relation was becoming one sided. Meaning I was putting in the effort but it wasn’t being returned and I couldn’t figure out why. Somewhere along our lives I over stepped a boundary and to this day I’m still paying for it. I guess me wanting to be close to my family I intruded into her family that made her uncomfortable because her actions speaks louder than her words that we’re good but the actions don’t match and like I said we don’t really know each other because everyone is growing up without each other really being involved in each others lives. So to say we’re close is something I can’t say anymore for me. Here are examples of why I feel that way.
We don’t text each other. I stopped at about 6 months ago and to this day no communication. If I text it would be very short.
If I had any event there was always a no show. It could be a simple dinner to a holiday or birthday. Our birthdays are in the same month and for me its rare to celebrate it but one time I did and found out she was doing the same thing. I invited her to mine but it wasn’t reciprocated.
Being adults. As we grow up I never thought I would be involved in every aspect of each others lives but I also did’t expect to be shut out either. We use to be so close where we would write letters to each other living in the same house, sliding them under our doors to connect with each other. but now to not being thought of was a gut punch honestly. What I mean by that is from being close to each other but now to no text that you found someone to realizing your in love…to wanting to marry them and proposing and during those life altering moments I wasn’t on that list of who they wanted to share those moments with.
I found out on the internet by a video someone shared. Not tagged it just showed because my sister was tagged in it. I can’t put into words how I felt at that moment and I won’t try because that was my wake up call to where I new where I stand in her life. In the end I want everyone to be happy even if I’m nowhere in the picture. I had to accept that just because I wanted us to be closer doesn’t mean it was going to happen. It’s life and somethings are not meant to be how you wanted it and that’s OK. That relationship is different from what you wanted but its a relationship that you have. I learned it’s alright to just be an aspect of her life and not a part of it because i will always be her sister no matter what.
Situation #2
When you deal with your health you want to be able to trust what doctors tell you. When I was younger I can say I didn’t get the cream of the crop with doctors. Because as I’m approaching the 50 year mark I’m finding out so much that wasn’t true when it comes to my health. I spent my childhood trying to figure out what was wrong with me and I was fortunate that my mother was a nurse to know I wasn’t making things up. Instead of saying they just didn’t know what was wrong they would either say I was making things up or just do nothing. I had a dislocated knee and was told i pulled a muscle and had a sprain. um mm I stood up and my leg didn’t connect to my knee in a public place so embarrassment was definitely in the air as I hit the floor. I can give plenty more examples but I think you get the idea. So as my life continued I found doctors that for one listen to you and put in effort to help you. The biggest thing I found relief in was that if they didn’t know what was going on they said it instead of trying to make you think it’s just in your head. Now having the right people in my life helping me through this chapter in my life has me looking back at the ones who didn’t and I can say I’m not mad at them anymore.
I learned if it wasn’t for their actions i wouldn’t have made the connections to the doctors that i’m involved with now. True it sucked to go through everything I did but I can’t say I’m not happy that I now know what I was going through. It wasn’t just in my head or just being a troublesome as a kid. I can go on with life feeling grateful knowing where I stand with different situations. They might not be situations I wanted but I accept them as they are and not what I want them to be. I can honestly say that its a good feeling to have and I wish for others to have that feeling as well. It’s a different outlook on a negative situation. I know some will take time to be figured out but its not impossible and I would recogmend that everyone try to find the good in the bad.
By: Deidre Gibbs
Grateful List! BY: Roshanda Johnson
Hello HPS Readers! My amazing friend, Deidre asked me to share a little with you about my daily grateful list in hopes that you all can start yours as well!
I mean what better way to create some positive energy for 2022 and keep a good perspective! A grateful list is just that: A daily list of things you are grateful for! Several people have said to me how the grateful list has inspired them to be more grateful. I began the grateful list as a way to help me keep my vow to God to not complain. I started posted them on Facebook and never knew that they would affect so many lives and bring so much joy to others.
I hope that you’ll start making them too! You can write anything big or small on your list! You don’t have to start with ten; you can start with as many as you want! As your list grows each day, may you become ever mindful of the many blessings that God showers on us daily. May you never take one moment, one breath, one flutter of a bird’s wings or bite of food for granted. May you always remember that grateful blossoms are all around us waiting to be gathered.
Let’s get started!
Here’s one of my grateful list from the day of my nephew’s funeral! As you can see, it’s a mixture of things. Not everything you’re grateful for has to be something happy or easy. You can be grateful for trials and hard times as well because they help you grow. Peruse it, and try your own!
Grateful List:
1. The services for my nephew, Kevin Young, were really beautiful yesterday. I’m glad my family isn’t the shouting, fainting, fighting kind.
2. Kaneisha spoke so well. She makes me so proud.
3. Kimberly you make me proud. You are so silly in even the worst circumstances.
4. Thank you, Lord, for the time you allowed us to have Kevin and for all the growing up we did together. He made me the Danger Mouse that I am today.
5. I am so thankful that I didn’t say what I was going to say to someone yesterday. It would have been ugly. God once again turned backhands into praying hands.
6. All the family and friends that have held me down over the past days, weeks, and months.
7. God just keeps on revealing to me all the fake people. Real eyes realize real lies.
8. The transparency and testimony of Sarah-Ashley.
9. The way Umeme adds “Looking for movers?” to his posts. I love a good tagline. Lol
10. Cucumber Water. Hmmmmm #smallBlessings
#smallgirl #bigGOD
Your turn:
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Here’s another one! A different feel, but still grateful!
1. Go ‘head, Lady! I’m feeling myself for this introduction. Last week, I was on the struggle bus with all this homework, but this week…I’m killin’ it!
2. Floyd and I had the most amazing time at Peter Pan 360, and he bought me breakfast this morning!
3. Yadira is always pleasant to look at, but good grief that new haircut is the shiz! I see you, baybay!
4. I had such an amazing conversation with God this morning.
5. The listening ears of my mom and sister.
6. My family doesn’t complain when I spread everything I own all over the kitchen table. Not to mention they are so quiet when I am doing my HW. They respect my grind, and I am beyond grateful for the kind of support that is anchored by actions and not just words.
7. James Trotter’s kind message. Thank you, friend. I love the way you spell my name:-)
8. I see a lot less wilderness this week.
9. I am rediscovering the Power of Me.
10. Things at my congregation are truly coming together. We are headed in an awesome direction.
Even if you are feeling small today, God is a BIG God! How has He blessed you?
Your turn:
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I hope you’ll give it a try and that your list will grow more and more as the year goes on! I’ll leave you with this quote:
“Everything we do should be a result of our gratitude for what God has done for us.”– Lauryn Hill
HPS Magazine 