Life changing Diagnosis

Photo by Wildan Zainul Faki on

Understanding your body is a process. Understanding what’s wrong with it is a journey. A journey I have been on for years, and FINALLY figuring out what is wrong and accepting the fact it wasn’t what you thought but much worse can be a hard pill to swallow. I think I’m a little lucky that I do have people in my life that have gone through dramatic and life changing diagnosis that can help me through this process. So I do try to keep that in mind. I also know that I have a lot to explain to whoever is reading this. This is a personal blog today. I love to showcase Independent artist and help support their crafts and with that being said I feel like it wouldn’t be right if I wasn’t transparent with myself.

I ask people daily about their lives and what’s going on with them and how they think their lives effect others. I want to do the same and my way is promoting. Don’t get me wrong I love the stage myself but I get more of a creative fix working behind the stage. It’s not that I’m scared or shy, I concord that fear in middle school so don’t get it twisted.

I learned in the early years of this magazine that I do have a good eye for talented people by seeing the progression of the artist I’ve interviewed through the years. I’m like a proud auntie in the background cheering them on. But I’m getting off track. This is about health.

I’m normally a very focus person. I need to know what’s going on so I would know how to handle the situation. Basically I’m a control freak,

but I know you can’t control everything. As I found out recently. I’m not going to be able to control my body from something. I’m not going to be able to save myself from harm and knowing that in advance is a mental middle finger to the face. I know I have some support but when your in your head your alone realizing what is happening to you. It’s like drowning and not knowing how to swim to save yourself. There’s no one to guide you because there’s nothing anyone can do.

I know in the long run I’m lucky because it’s not AIDS or CANCER but it still makes that list of things that takes you out of your life that you created and knowing where you are in the progression of it is just another middle finger. As you can tell by reading this I haven’t gotten use to saying the word yet. Because saying it makes it real. So I guess I will say it the best way I can to help you understand me……this is part of me.

My enemy

You can’t defeat me

You will lose under my spell

See my dear I make a living taking away what you love. Your daily routine won’t be the same after I’m done.

I love to take your legs and watch you fill up with fear as you roll around with 4 wheels instead of Adidas. Hands to write…naw sis unless I throw you a bone that bends

you can forget that.

Those lungs you love to inhale…. won’t work without the pain I must give to remind you

your my new destination location I love to explore the brain to see what’s up. What have you learned and love and how can I destroy it to make my day. Like a computer infected with a bug I got you now

You never new what I could do & I’m about to show you no pill or plant can ease the effects of what I can do, see I’m that illness people try to forget that never goes away. once i’m with you there’s no getting rid of like that house guest from hell I’m here to stay…..with you

I got you boo

I’m that 3rd wheel on a romantic date that menstrual cramp at the lake you won’t see the light of day because I make the sun light to bright for your skin to take I make isolation feel like your eating steak and your a vegan

There’s nothing you will like.

Well until I go to sleep then you get a break but when I awake then we’re off like the races to see who will win and I got too many victories under my belt to let you get away from me. See I take you till your last breath is your comfort zone.

I’m like that lover who likes to surprise you but my gifts are pains you never know when but when they hit you’ll know that came from me

don’t be shy say who I am when people ask are you ok? and before you say no feel my touch on your lips as I make them bleed from the dryness no oil can fix

I’m like that kitchen gadget that’s too expensive to fit your wish list! tell how I take your breath away the lover you love to hate. yep I’m that stalker that follows your every move I’m that unwanted affection you never desired but got for standing out in a crowd

I attack hard because I’m unwanted & disliked

I makes damn sure you feel it… come on sing it like that song… Say my name

respect my title, I earned it

by all those i made suffer

get use to me since I’m not going anywhere

I dare you to try say my name before I whip you like the slave I will make you

Say it as the tears fall to the ground….yes you know what you have to say

my name

my name is LUPUS

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